This month has been a roller coaster ride - We've heard about situations for over 20 birth moms and been presented to about half of them!!! What an overwhelming privilege it has been to pray for these families and babies. I cannot imagine the selfless decision these mothers are making for their children, and am so humbled by their sacrifice. So far we have not been chosen, but we are still early in the matching process.
The real roller coaster however has been about finances. Our benefit concert on February 20th was incredible! We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love we were shown. After the concert, we followed up with our consultant at FAC to let her know where we were financially. Again, for the sake of transparency, we have $13,500 in the bank - praise the Lord!!! She let us know that we would need to have access to the full amount money needed for the actual adoption fees ($40,000) within 48 hours of being matched with a birth mom (which could happen at any time). We weren't really surprised to hear this, and in the back of our minds, our plan had been to call the bank after the benefit and get a loan for the rest of what we needed. So that's what we did, we called the bank. However, we were surprised to learn that the bank would not lend us the what we were short, and we were devastated! FAC and the home study agency had checked our financial status and the bank told us we'd be fine after their initial check too. We decided to get a second opinion, and it was the same story, they said no. Ok, on to plan B - my sweet mama tried to get a home equity line of credit, and her bank was very optimistic, so we were too :-) However, she was also unable to get a loan, and again, everyone was shocked! On to plan C - Jarred's wonderful mom attempted to get a loan, but it was the same story, she was also unable to get the money. Currently, she is attempting with another lender. Honestly, If plan C fails, there really isn't a plan D. Which again to be honest, sends me into hysterics pretty quickly. If we don't come up with the money, we will most likely put things on hold until we can come up with the money - not what we were hoping for but ultimately, you do what you have to do. Our prayer is that we can come up with it before our 1 year contract and home study expire. In the meantime, we've continued presenting to birth moms and will continue to do so until we have no other options to come up with the money, but this is emotionally hard (that's definitely an understatement). Not knowing if you'll have the money if that mom picks you is scary.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, me and God have been having some conversations about this money situation, and it's been a back and forth type of exchange. One minute I think I'm OK, the next I'm not. Even this week I've been struggling with it! One day I will have a little bit of peace and think - God's got this and is going to work it all out - it's going to be fine! The next minute I think - Beth, what were you guys thinking!!! Ya'll signed up for this with NO MONEY! You are NUTS!
So, this is what I think today...and I'm claiming it for tomorrow too!
I think the reason I'm ok one minute and not the next is because I am in this flesh! I WANT to give it God and trust Him, but my flesh wants to fight Him for control - It's a constant battle. Today, I am choosing to TRUST God. I GIVE UP - I SURRENDER! I am claiming TRUTH, and the TRUTH is - HE called us to adopt. HE gave us PEACE and direction about using FAC, and he will PROVIDE for us emotionally and financially! I know I will be tempted to believe the lies, to be afraid, and I'm sure I will still struggle, but I will fill my mind with TRUTH to combat the lies! The TRUTH is - GOD'S GOT THIS! GOD IS BIGGER!
I am so thankful for my church family and friends who have reminded me of that this week!
Be
careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:6-7
I put this verse up on my computer at work on Thursday morning, and Thursday afternoon, I got a card from a stranger with a check for $500 and this verse was written on the card.
GOD IS BIGGER and we can TRUST HIM!
Also, this video was shared with me this week. It's amazing how God speaks to us through song, and He spoke so clearly to me through these lyrics:
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I know this post was long, so thanks for reading it!
P.S. If you would like to donate, please visit our donation site here (had to throw it out there - you can't blame me for trying):
https://www.youcaring.com/jarred-beth-summey-476255
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