Ephesians 3:20-21

 I meant to write this post WAY sooner, but to be honest, things have been a little chaotic around the Summey house :-) I cannot believe that Selah is already 9 months old - it absolutely blows my mind!!! She is all hair and attitude and already a little diva (I know that's hard to believe when she's got Jarred and me for parents lol). I went back to work in the church office in August, and it just about broke my heart! Little did I know on my first day back what God was orchestrating. Ya'll, He is soooooo good! When I sat down to write this post, the only thing I could think about was Ephesians 3:20-21:

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

We found out shortly after I started back to work that we had the opportunity to adopt a baby boy locally from a birth mom who was connected with my family from years back. I had met her before, but didn't personally know her. Honestly, we were terrified at first knowing it would mean two tiny babies (as in 5 months apart) at the same time - we'd have Irish Twins! However, it was kind of a no brainer for us. We knew we wanted more kids, we knew how incredible it would be for Selah to have someone in our family that "looked like her", we had a current home study, and with this situation there wouldn't be any agency or matching fees.I am so humbled when I think about how God absolutely lavished His love on us! We prayed and waited for years for children, and God was giving us TWO babies. If that's not EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY more than we ask or think, I don't know what is. I have read in adoption blogs over the past months about how each adoption story is different, and I know now that it's true. When we found out we'd be given the opportunity to adopt our little boy, I wondered if it would feel as special as Selah's adoption. Please, don't misunderstand, I was just as excited for him, and he is loved just as much. But there was so much involved and so much anticipation for Selah's adoption. Our families and church were invested (spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially) in her adoption. How in the world could his adoption journey be as special as hers? Well, let me just tell you that IT WAS. Sooooo, without further ado, I want to share the journey of our precious baby boy, Judah Jaxon...

Judah's story begins with his phenomenal birth mom. She had seen Selah's story on facebook and knew we had just adopted her, so she reached out to my aunt about the possibility of adoption for her unborn baby boy. My aunt then put us in contact with each other. We started texting each other, and she invited Jarred and I to come with her to her next doctor appointment. This was literally a dream come true! God answered this deep desire of my heart. I'd accepted (and grieved) that I may never experience this part of having a baby, and I cannot tell you how excited I was to be able to participate. I am eternally grateful for our birth mom's kindness in letting both of us be present. We were able to attend all of her future appointments, and we were even able to be in the room for the 36 week ultrasound. I was worried that it would be awkward with her at the doctor, but she was so warm and friendly, and genuinely wanted us to be included - SHE LOVED ON US. Let that sink in for a minute. This woman was loving on us - knowing the sacrifice that was coming. Is that not a picture of love? Does that not reflect the Father's love for us? Please don't take this the wrong way - I have deep respect for Selah's birth mom, but this was SUCH a different experience. I have a bond with Judah's birth mom that will last forever - a bond I didn't know could even exist.


As the time got closer, we all met with a local attorney and prepared for delivery. Again, her compassion and heart for her son (and us) was so evident. Every action and word was full of grace - seriously, I'm not making this up or exaggerating - she was that incredible throughout the entire process. We found out they'd be inducing her on Tuesday, November 8th, and we made plans to meet at the hospital that night. Our families were so excited too because they were all able to be a part of the birth this time! They started the medicine that night to induce labor, and we were thrilled that our birth mom allowed us to stay in the hospital room with her that night. Jarred and I snuggled up on the pull out and anxiously waited. On Wednesday, they started more medication and our birth mom started having strong contractions.Unfortunately, Judah just wasn't ready to make his appearance. After an exhausting day of meds and contractions, they started the whole process over again that night. Thursday, November 10th started off again with contractions, but it was a SLOW go. At lunchtime, there wasn't a whole lot of progress, and our sweet birth mom was so tired. Looking on the bright side though, we did have a lot of time to get to know each other better, and that's when the good stuff started to happen - a supernaturally strong bond started to form between me and this precious woman. Truthfully, I cannot explain it, and I was not expecting it. During those hours, she allowed me to become more and more involved in her labor. I held her hand. I held cool cloths to her face. I sat in a chair next to her bed. We laughed and talked like we'd known each other forever. It wasn't until that night that things started to pick up speed with labor.

Around 8:30pm, the doctor said she could start pushing. I was honored and ecstatic that she allowed me to stay in the room! Again, this was another desire of my heart that the Lord gave me. I had come to terms with the probability of never experiencing childbirth. Mom's that have given birth might say - be thankful hahh. However, not experiencing this was something I'd grieved. Thanks be to God that He allowed me to experience it through Judah's birth mom! She pushed for about an hour, then the doctor decided it'd be best to take a 30 minute break. I watched an extraordinarily strong woman push and cry through her pain for another half an hour. The doctor started talking about the possibility of a c-section, and said we'd only try pushing for a few more minutes. Finally at 10:46pm Judah made his entrance into the world! I was standing right there holding his birth mom's hand as he arrived. Immediately after he was born, I started crying (like ugly crying) and so did our birth mom. I hugged her and kissed her hands and told her how much I loved her. The love she displayed still makes my heart full. While all that was going on, Judah gave us a little scare because the umbilical cord was around his neck, but after the longest few minutes of my life, he started breathing and crying. I told an anxious Jarred sitting outside the door that he was here and ok! ALL of our family were waiting just down the hall. It was a wonderful moment.

Brief interjection here - Jarred was amazing too during this whole thing. I am sure it was uncomfortable for him to be in the labor and delivery room with someone other than his wife. Actually, he probably would've been uncomfortable even if it was me giving birth - haha. Even so, he was so sweet and stayed involved as much as he could. He was the cutest thing ever sitting outside that door. When I opened the door to tell him everything was ok, he was sitting in a chair rocking back and forth with his hands crossed. My heart melted - I am so glad God gave me such a good husband.

At this point, Judah was here, and the plan was for Jarred, Judah, and I to get our own room at the hospital. However, (wait for it) the hospital was full and they didn't have a room available. That left us two choices - Judah could go to the nursery and we'd only get to see him during visiting hours OR Judah could stay in the room with his birth mom. I knew that the plan was in place in part to make things easier on our birth mom, so I knew we'd have to go with the nursery option. My initial reaction was to be upset. I didn't want a repeat of what happened with Selah. I know that feeling of leaving the hospital without your baby - it's horrible. Jarred and I knew going in not to freak out if things didn't go exactly as planned, so we started making preparations to move our stuff out of the labor and delivery room and move to the lobby. Our birth mom surprised us again and told us all three of us could stay in the room with her. At first, I thought "No way, she just had a baby! She needs rest and privacy. Not to mention, she's dealing with the emotions of the adoption." Then, as I talked with her, I realized that God had orchestrated this part of the story too. It's not what I had planned (or she had planned), but it was God's plan all along. Our families filed in two at a time to see the baby and meet our birth mom. Looking back, I cannot imagine how difficult it must've been for her to share her room with all of us. In such a private time, she gave up her privacy so we could stay with Judah. I'm telling ya'll - this woman is the real deal.

It was super late by the time all four of us went to sleep that night. The next morning, the nurses came in and woke us all up around 7am. They told us we would stay one more night but would be moving to another room, so we packed up and headed to the postpartum floor. When we turned the corner to go into the new room, all three of us looked at each other with wide eyes. This room was the tiniest hospital room I had ever seen!!! In all seriousness, it looked like they'd turned a storage closet into a hospital room. In that moment, all we could do was laugh - more bonding time - lol. They brought us a cot and we literally had to scoot the hospital bed over to have room for the extra bed. There were about 2 inches between our cot, and our birth mom's bed. It wasn't quite as funny then as it is now. Again, I cannot imagine how difficult this was for her. Poor Jarred was pretty hilarious - he just rolled away facing the wall and covered his head with a pillow sometimes. He was such a good sport. Even with all the uncomfortable-ness, that night was probably the best night we spend with our birth mom. We were all slap-happy and exhausted. So, in typical Beth form, we celebrated with lots of food haha. My brother is a manager at a local restaurant, so we ordered 3 huge steaks and my dad picked them up for us and brought them to our tiny room. We had steak in styrofoam to-go boxes and laughed like little kids (for real - I thought we were going to get in trouble with the nurses because we were laughing so loud). Judah stayed right there with us the entire time. Our birth mom told us later that she was glad we stayed in the room with her after his birth, because it would've been hard to be alone afterwards. I cannot imagine her heartache. I am so thankful God's plans are way better than mine. I will never ever forget that night in the tiny room with our "fancy dinner".

The next morning, the mood in the room was a little different. It was discharge day, and the day our birth mom would sign the papers relinquishing her rights to Judah. There was definitely a heaviness in the air. Doctors, nurses, our lawyer, our friend Rene (who is a notary and made an extra special trip to help get the papers completed), and even the hospital's photographer all visited the room that morning. It seemed like everything started happening super fast. As the time to leave started getting closer, emotions started rising and tears started flowing (for everyone). After the papers were signed, I gave our birth mom a necklace. It's the same necklace I gave Selah's birth mom, and the same one I wear. It's got four charms - a cross, a heart, the word "love", and the adoption symbol. It symbolizes the love surrounding adoption and the faithfulness of God revealed through adoption. Selah's birth mom has a pink heart, Judah's has a blue heart, and mine has one of each. This is one of my most prized possessions. I guess it's kinda silly to think a piece of jewelry connects me to other people, but I feel like it does. I wear mine and it reminds me of their sacrifice, God's exceeding abundantly blessings and faithfulness, and it reminds me to pray for these women who loved their babies so fiercely. After being present during Judah's delivery, I can say with more perspective that I cannot imagine going through the pain of childbirth only to turn around and go through the pain of adoption. All of us left the hospital at the same time with our attorney, and it was intense. I truly love our birth mom, and her pain (and love) was immeasurable. How loved Judah Jaxon is! His name suits him - Judah means "praised" and Jaxon means "God has been gracious; has shown favor".

So life has dramatically changed at the Summey house! Sleep is overrated and family is more important than I could've imagined. I'll be honest, it has been a struggle at times. However, I wouldn't change a thing! I love our little family. I love that Selah and Judah have each other. I love that they don't look like us. I love that God grew our family though adoption. I love that God's plans are not my plans.

I want to continue blogging about our stories and journeys, but I also realize that this blog is about adoption. So, I will be creating another blog called "Crazy Wonderful Summey Life". I hope to share some of our funny stories that friends have told me I should write down, and the joys and challenges of everyday life. I know our life has radically been changed by these two babies, and I want to share our struggles and triumphs in hope of encouraging others to live their Crazy Wonderful Lives for Jesus. That doesn't mean we won't struggle or mess up, but it does mean we have hope no matter what happens! Anyway, thanks for reading my super long blog post and for following our adoption journey. I hope you'll continue to follow our family at: http://summeylife.blogspot.com/

Selah Faith

I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I don't even know how to begin this post...
Our baby girl  was born on June 2, 2016 at 5:11pm. She weighed 6lbs 3oz and was 18.75in long. This beautiful little girl has totally changed our lives - God has answered our prayers and made us a family!!!

 

 My desire for this post is that I would be able to effectively share how God incredibly, miraculously, wonderfully, beautifully, answered our prayers! I want to be as open and honest as I can about the process and our journey - the beautiful, happy, good parts; as well as the bad, ugly, unexpected parts. The thought that probably best describes my jumbled thoughts is frequently posted on the Faithful Adoption Consultants facebook page... "Adoption is hard. Adoption is messy. Adoption is worth it."As I reflect on the past few months, that statement is profoundly true.

In May, the day after my 30th birthday, Jarred and I were thrown an incredible baby shower! We were blown away by the love and gifts we were given. To say we are blessed with great families and an amazing church is the understatement of the century! Selah was spoiled before she even arrived :-) After we got all the baby loot home, we put the finishing touches on the nursery and packed the remaining items for our trip to Kansas! We kept in close contact with the adoption agency as we awaited the call saying our birth mom was in labor. As the end of school approached, Jarred and I started praying about when we should leave. We knew our birth mom wanted to meet us face to face before delivery if possible, but we didn't want to get out there too early. Donations kept trickling in, and the day before we left, Jarred's parents, made the final donation allowing us to meet our fundraising goal. How CRAZY is it that God provided $45,000 in less than 6 months?!?!?! Yes, we received two small (in comparison to the amount needed) grants and a loan, but the majority of the hat money was donated - I wish I could put into words how humbled and grateful we are. God used so many people to bless us and move a financial mountain that seemed impossible. HE IS FAITHFUL and He funds what He favors. Thank you to every person who allowed God to use them - you're all a part of Selah and our story - which is pretty awesome!!!

After much prayer and many conversations, we decided to head to Kansas to meet our birth mom and await the birth of our baby on June 1st, and God worked it out for my mom to able to go with us as well (we were so thankful to have her with us). My dad and his wife graciously allowed us to drive their car, so we packed it to the ceiling and hit the road! We decided to drive straight through, and it took us about 15 hours. Again, God and his goodness allowed our birth mom to be located in the same city as our friends, Blaine & Amanda. This was such a blessing to us, and I will always cherish our time with them while we were in Kansas. We were nervous and a little anxious, and they loved us so BIG and so WELL while we were there. We met Amanda and her sweet kiddos as soon as we got to town for supper, and they had a care package in hand waiting for us. After dinner, we went to get settled into our rental house - that was an adventure in itself! God knew what we'd need before we did... I am so thankful that my mom was with us and that Amanda's care package included the things we'd need to get the house clean enough to stay in that first night. I'll just say, it was in no condition to stay in (much less bring a baby home to)! My sweet mama spent that night on her hands and knees cleaning and preparing for her new grandbaby after we'd already spent 15 hours in the car. Whew! That's just one day hahaha!

The next morning, Jarred and I had an appointment at the agency to meet with one of the consultants and hopefully meet our birth mom! My heart was a jumbled mess of emotions. I had tried to prepare myself for the meeting, but I realized on the car ride to the agency's office that morning that there's really no way you can prepare yourself. Jarred and I had been praying for our birth mom since before we matched - specifically that we would have an opportunity to share Christ with her. Now here we were on the way to meet her in person for the first time. We held hands on the way there, but didn't say a word. When we arrived, we were ushered into a room set up like a living room to meet with the consultant who'd worked closest with our birth mom, Rosana. She was very friendly and did her best to make us feel comfortable. We found out that our birth mom had adjusted her birth plan, and that the baby would be staying in the hospital room with our birth mom for the first 24 hours. We knew this was a possibility, but were hoping we would be able to have our own room and "share" the baby during those first hours. However, we also wanted to respect our birth mom's wishes and allow her the time she needed. We also learned that our birth mom would be seeing a doctor that morning, and they'd be scraping her membranes. I had no clue what all that meant, but thank goodness for google (if you're a guy reading this, you probably don't want to know lol). The plan was for us to meet our birth mom after talking to the consultant. However, while we were waiting, Rosana received a phone call from our birth mom - she was being admitted to the hospital because of preeclampsia and would be induced that afternoon!!! Rosana told us we could come to the hospital as soon as they got checked in and settled in a room, so we quickly tried to finish making last minute preparations at the house, and headed to the hospital. This was it - we were about to meet our birth mom, and we'd be parents by the end of the day! I was sooooo nervous and excited!!!! 

We got to the hospital around 2:30pm and met one of the other adoption consultants, Lacy in the lobby. She told us to hang out there because she and the hospital social worker needed to talk to our birth mom. We waited for what seemed like an eternity (but was actually only about 30 minutes), and my mind started to assume the worst. I was afraid that the birth plan modification and this meeting were indications that the adoption was in jepordy. I prayed and asked the Lord to give me the strength and peace about whatever was about to happen, but I'm not going to lie - I was afraid. I knew I'd be ok regardless, but was bracing for heartbreak. Finally, Lacy appeared and told us we could go up to the room! My heart was pounding, and I was shaking like a leaf! Mom waited in the labor and delivery waiting room upstairs while Lacy, Jarred, and I went to meet our birth mom. When we walked into the room, two things caught my attention immediately. 
#1 - Our birth mom was absolutely beautiful and had a big smile on her face!  
#2 - I could see and hear our sweet little girl's heartbeat for the first time. My heart went up into my throat!
We spent about 20 minutes talking to our birth mom, her partner, and Lacy in the labor and delivery room. They showed us pictures of their other children, and we showed them pictures of Selah's room and full closet! They were amazed at all the clothes and said it looked like a department store (I told you she was spoiled before she was even born)! We were back in the waiting room with mom by about 3:30pm. Lacy went back and got us updates a couple of times, and labor was progressing quickly! Lacy had to leave, but told us Rosana was coming and would be there in about an hour. That was the longest hour in history - lol! When Rosana got there around 5pm, she went back to get another update - the nurses were getting the delivery cart ready and kicked Rosana out! We knew that meant it was getting close :-) About that time, our birth mom's partner dashed off the elevator with fast food bags flying, saw Rosana, grabbed her arm, and they both took off running through the double doors down the hall - we were so excited we could hardly stand it!!! About 15 minutes later, both of them came back out to the waiting room and told us our little girl was here. Rosana had pictures and our birth mom's partner had a video of the nurses checking out the baby. We all huddled around their phones and watched with tears in our eyes. She was perfect - absolutely perfect! It felt like a dream.

A little while later, Rosana took Jarred and me back to the labor and delivery room to meet Selah. As soon as the door opened, I saw her. She was lying underneath a heat lamp squirming while a nurse checked her temperature. She was even more beautiful than the pictures. I still couldn't believe she was ours. Jarred got up the nerve to touch her little foot, but all I could do was stand there and gaze at her. I looked over at our birth mom, and instantly recognized a different atmosphere than before. She was distant, and her face was tight. I'd imagined this moment a million times, but this didn't feel exactly like what I'd imagined. Please don't misunderstand, it was one of the most joyful moments of my life!!! One look at Selah, and my heart swelled with love and joy like never before, but one look at our brave birth mom, and I had this ache start forming in my heart. In that moment, as excited as I was to finally be a mommy, my heart broke - that I wasn't prepared for. I think Rosana sensed my conflicting emotions, so she mentioned that my mom was in the lobby and asked if she could come back. Our birth mom agreed, and I am so thankful that my mom had the opportunity to meet Selah and her birth mom. At our birth mom's request, her partner was the first one to feed Selah, but I am glad we were able to be there and watch. We only stayed back there about 10 minutes and then were ushered back to the waiting room. Rosana had to leave, but we stayed hoping to get to go back one more time that night to visit - we hadn't been able to hold her yet (and I hadn't even got up the nerve to touch her).

A couple of hours passed, and when the double doors opened, it was our birth mom being moved upstairs to a regular room. She was in a wheelchair and holding Selah. We made eye contact, and the pain on her face was so intense, I didn't know what to say. Her partner broke the silence, and handed me a card with Selah's footprints. I thanked her, and watched as they got on the elevator to go upstairs. We followed them up in the next elevator and camped out in the waiting room for another hour or so before I finally broke down and texted Rosana to ask what we should do. Again, my conflicting emotions were overwhelming. Part of me felt like, "my baby is here, so I'm gonna be here too", but the other part of me thought, "respect our birth mom's wishes for time with Selah and rest while you can". Rosana said to go home and told us she would be in touch the next day to let us know when everyone would be discharged. As I realized I'd have to go home without her that night, the emotions of the day finally hit me, and I cried the whole way to the car. My heart and arms ached to hold my daughter. I am so thankful that during this day I was given encouragement by people who spoke truth to me. My husband, family, church, and my sweet sister reminded me: 
     Selah is a gift from God, and she belongs to him; not me. 
     God is orchestrating every part of this adoption - It's His story; not mine.
     I may not be holding my baby, but God is holding her. 
That night was hard, but God wrapped His arms around me and Jarred, and He comforted us in a way we had never experienced. I won't say I slept well, but I did sleep.

The next morning I was up early waiting to find out when we could go to the hospital. Around 11am my phone rang, and I was glad to hear Rosana's voice. She said she had good news and bad news. I decided I should probably sit down - lol. She told me that #1 - our birth mom had signed the relinquishment! #2 - our birth mom had requested one more night in the hospital with the baby. I tried to let it all of what she said sink in. The good news meant she was ours - she was going home with us - I could let the guard down around my heart - I could breathe. But the bad news meant: I made it though that first night counting down the hours till 24 was over, and now I had to survive another night! Again, being honest and real here... my initial reaction was to be upset. I wanted to bring my baby home NOW - I didn't want to wait! Again, I am so thankful for truth being spoken into me during this time. My sweet husband, sister, family, and church encouraged me. I prayed and the Lord reminded me... There is a woman sitting in a hospital room looking at a beautiful baby girl she deeply loves, and she is grieving because she just made the decision to walk out of the hospital tomorrow without that baby. Talk about a reality check! As many emotions as I was experiencing, I cannot begin to imagine the emotions filling the hospital room that night. Yes, I wanted that time with Selah, but I will have a lifetime to show Selah how loved she is. God had been so faithful throughout the entire process, and now He had answered our prayer for the relinquishment to be signed quickly. He gave us peace that night knowing we'd be bringing our baby girl home - joy was coming in the morning!

Let me interject briefly... I am so thankful for my husband! He was absolutely incredible throughout this whole process, especially during the time we were in Kansas. My love, admiration, and respect for him has grown immeasurably during this journey. I've never seen a man desire to be a father more than Jarred, and I know he experienced the whirlwind of emotions just like me, but he was like Superman! He clung to Christ and His Word - especially when things got rough - and encouraged me to do the same. I am so thankful for his courage, faith, and leadership during this journey. Selah and I are very blessed to have him.

  The next day was pretty intense... my phone rang at about 9am with a Kansas phone number I didn't recognize. I answered, and to my surprise, it was our birth mom's partner. I was surprised because sharing personal phone numbers was not recommended since we were doing a semi-open adoption (with all communication being filtered through the agency). She told us that they were being discharged at 10am and sent me a couple of pictures of the baby. I put the surprise phone call on my list of things to ask the agency about, then we got ready and headed to the hospital. As we were parking, Rosana called and told us they had changed the discharge time to 11am. However, since we were already at the hospital, we told her we would just wait for her in the waiting room. As we were getting settled into the waiting room, our birth mom's partner came around the corner. She said good morning, and almost immediately started crying and talking about the adoption. She invited us to come back to the room to see our birth mom and the baby. However, with emotions being high and Rosana on the way, we decided to just hang out in the lobby. A few minutes later, all three of them came around the corner to the waiting room. They started talking about the adoption and asked if we could come back to Kansas soon so they could see the baby. They were both crying, and it was super awkward because this whole conversation was happening in the waiting room. I knew this was not the arrangement we had all agreed to, but with everyone's emotions so high, I was unsure how to respond. Thankfully, Selah decided she needed a diaper change at that very moment! They went to take care of her, and I texted Rosana. I said I was gonna be transparent, so I'll admit - I was a little frustrated. The surprise call that morning, the delayed discharge, and the awkward questions in the waiting room had almost pushed me to my limit. I went to the bathroom and was tempted to just stay in there and cry, but knew I needed to try and refocus. He reminded me of His faithfulness -  He reminded me of my desire to have the opportunity to share Christ with our birth mom - He reminded me that I  am adopted by Him. When I came out of the bathroom, Rosana was there and it was time for discharge. It was a little chaotic with me, Jarred, mom, Rosana, Selah, our birth mom, her partner, her partners two small children, and a nurse in the room. The nurse asked if we had clothes for Selah, and told us to quickly go ahead and put them on her. With everyone watching, I picked up my baby girl for the first time, and with unsure shaking hands I put her little "going home" outfit on. Once she was dressed, the nurse swooped her up, pricked her heel and took some blood samples, gave us a couple of bottles, diapers, and a packet of info about caring for a newborn, and told us we were ready to go. They didn't ask about our car seat, they didn't ask if this was our first baby, they just gave her to us and said good luck! Meanwhile, our birth mom's partner's two children (maybe around 6 and 9 years old) started realizing that the baby wasn't going home with them. They started asking questions like, "Why is she holding the baby?" "Are they taking the baby?" Their mom quieted them quickly, but my heart felt like it would explode! I felt like I was doing something wrong. Rosana told us we would all walk out of the hospital together, so we gathered our things and headed to the elevator. The ride down was full of sniffles and more questions from the kids, then we quietly walked to the parking garage. Rosana initiated the hugs, and then everyone said goodbye. Mom, Jarred, Selah, and I found a bench at the parking garage elevator and sat down. I was still shaking and frazzled. This is actually one of my favorite pictures from Kansas because it shows the real emotions.

In that moment, I thought "This isn't how all those YouTube videos showed this happening - when you meet, hold, and leave the hospital with your adopted baby it's suppose to be a magical, private moment with soft music, sun rays shining through the window and hitting the baby's head, and happy tears". In retrospect, I realize that the YouTube videos don't always show the whole adoption picture. Yes, sometimes it's probably like that, but more often it's probably not. It has taken me a couple of months to come to this conclusion (which is one reason I haven't posted sooner), but I can honestly say that I am thankful to have experienced the whole picture. I am thankful I got to meet our birth mom and see her love for Selah. I saw with my own eyes her pain and grief. It was hard, and my heart still aches for her, but I am thankful that I'll be able to tell Selah how much she is loved. She was not abandoned or unwanted - she is loved. I'm thankful for the nights I longed for her because I experienced a closeness and peace from God like I never have before. I am thankful for the uncertainties because they grew my faith. I am thankful for our struggle with infertility because it led us to adoption, which has helped me more deeply understand the permanence and inheritance I have as an adopted daughter of the Most High God!

It took us a few minutes to figure out how to get Selah in her car seat for the first time, but we managed to get her in the car and get her home. We were so glad Jarred's mom was able to fly in for a few days to meet Selah and she arrived at the house not long after we did. We all sat and just starred at her for that first day. We came to the realization that we had no clue what we were doing with a newborn and figured out that working in shifts taking advantage of our mom's being there was wise. Then next several days were busy - We had checkup with a pediatrician, an appointment with our agency's attorney, a visit to the courthouse for our hearing, a visit to the adoption agency, and a wonderful home cooked meal with our friends Blaine, Amanda, and their family. (We were so anxious to bring Selah home to meet the rest of the family, but had to wait on ICPC paperwork before we could leave head home. ICPC is paperwork that needed to be approved by the states of Kansas and Georgia before we could leave the state with Selah.) Time went by so fast! Before we knew it, we'd been there for a week.

Selah was one week old the day we had our "Farewell Meeting" at the adoption agency. All of the agency ladies, our birth mom, her partner, her partner's two kids, mom, Jarred, Selah, and I all met in the "living room" at the agency for one last visit. It was an emotional visit with lots of pictures. Jarred and I gave a our birth mom a card and a necklace with several charms symbolizing our adoption. I have a matching necklace, and we have one for Selah too. When she's older we'll give it to her, and hopefully she'll enjoy knowing the three of us have them. There were still some awkward moments during the meeting when we were asked to return to Kansas soon for a visit, but afterwards Rosana made sure everyone understood the terms of our contract and only communicating through the agency. God did give us the opportunity to share the gospel with our birth mom, and we are praying for that seed and the adoption to draw her to Christ.

During the meeting at the agency, we received the call from the attorney telling us our ICPC paperwork was done, and we were ready to go home! We stayed for a while longer and talked with Rosana, and she suggested we go ahead and leave. So that's what we did - we left the agency, went to the house, threw everything that would fit in the car (with lots of help from Blaine and Amanda), and made it to Oklahoma by midnight! Traveling with a newborn was... interesting, so we broke the trip up into two more days. We were greeted with a grand homecoming when we turned into our driveway. Family was anxiously awaiting with cameras, balloons, banners, streamers, tears, hugs, and lots of excitement!! Even our neighbors came out to cheer and clap when we got home. I don't  even know the words to describe it... it was incredible.

Selah is now almost 3 months old - she's healthy, happy, and oh so beautiful! Our lives have been forever changed for good. She is a precious gift from God, and we are so very grateful to the Lord for answering our prayers for this little girl. He is so faithful and good - we are blessed. To everyone who played a part in our adoption journey - I cannot begin to express how thankful we are for you. God used so many people to answer our prayer, and that makes it that much more amazing! I can't wait to write more about how God uses this little girl :-) TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Oh, How He Loves Us!

WOW, things have really picked up speed!!! Since we matched last month, we talked to our birth mom on the phone, received a $5000 grant, had a barbecue fundraiser, found out our birth mom is in early labor, picked a name, celebrated Mother's Day, and started packing! Coming up - The Big 3-0 and a Baby Shower - WHEW! To say I'm excited would be a HUGE understatement - I am sooooooooo excited - for all of it! I still can't believe it's actually happening.

The first thing that happened after we matched was a conversation with our birth mom. I was absolutely terrified, and honestly, it was as bad as I thought it'd be - lol. There was a lot of awkward silence and all of us were noticeably nervous, but there was also some decent conversation as well. She seemed very humble and nice. We asked her about her interest and told answered questions she had about us. Probably the most humbling thing she said was "I just want a life for this baby that I can't give her". I can't imagine or understand what she's feeling, but I am in awe of her courage and strength.

God has also been doing some miracle working since we matched! One month ago, we were short about $18,000 - Today we are short just over $5,000!!! There is absolutely no explanation but God! HE is moving this financial mountain, and we give HIM all the praise! We received a $5,000 matching grant, so the next $5,000 we raised doubled to $10,000. God is so good - He is so faithful. I just can't even tell you how overwhelmed I am by His love and provision for us. We had a barbecue fundraiser, are selling raffle tickets for a hand made farm table made by a friend of ours, and re-launched our adoption t-shirt fundraiser. I have no doubt He will provide the remaining funds needed for us to bring our sweet girl home!

Probably the most exciting thing that's happened is finding out our baby girl is coming EARLY!!! Our birth mom is in early labor, and we're expecting a call saying it's time to go to Kansas within the next 1-2 weeks!!! Today she hit the 35 week mark, so we are just praying for a healthy girl and safe delivery. Our birth mom is already dilated to 2cm and 80% effaced, so it could be anytime :-)
We also picked a name... SELAH FAITH! Selah means "pause and praise God", and we can't wait to meet her and hold her in our arms.

As we go into this part of our adoption journey, there are lots of exciting things on the horizon. Tomorrow I turn 30 years old, and I've been dreading it for the last half of my 20s haha! There's nothing I'd rather be doing this year for my birthday than preparing for Selah's arrival, and that's exactly what we'll be doing. Friday is our baby shower, and I CANNOT WAIT!!! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be celebrating our upcoming adoption the day after my 30th birthday :-) I'm telling ya'll - God is soooooooo Good - I'm absolutely overwhelmed. Oh, how He loves us!!!

My next post will most likely include BABY PICTURES - Holy Jeepers!!! Nesting is DEFINITELY underway at the Summey home! Please continue to pray for Selah and her birth mom - also that God will continue to provide the remaining $5,000. I can't wait to meet our baby and introduce her to our family, friends, and church!!!

MATCHED!!!

 

Well, it happened... last Thursday we got the news we've been waiting to receive for almost 5 years - WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!!

A birth mom picked us, so we've officially been "matched"! I don't think I'll ever forget what our sweet FAC consultant said to me when I answered the phone - "Beth, are you ready to be a Mommy?!? You guys just got matched!" Our little girl will be born in Wichta, Kansas around June 15th (which is super soon), and we couldn't be more thrilled! I think I'm still in shock honestly. It is the strangest tornado of emotions going on inside of me. I'm so incredibly excited that I just can't stand it, but I am also beyond terrified. There are lots of unknowns, and the fact is, adoption is risky. It's been a whirlwind few days as we process the news and prepare for our baby's arrival. I've been meaning to update the blog with our good news, and I also wanted to share some of my heart about all that's going on. 

When we first started this journey, we knew it was going to be a lesson in faith. It has proven to be just that! I have re-read the verse that helped confirm our calling to adoption over and over again lately:

 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, 

the evidence of things not seen. 

- Hebrews 11:1

God is giving us the opportunity to put our faith into action! Friday we mailed a check to an adoption agency in Kansas for $10,000. 

- We did it knowing that we'd lose this baby (the baby we've dreamed of 

   and prayed for for years) AND that $10,000 we mailed if we don't have 

   $30,000 more by the time the baby is born.

- We did it knowing that we were $18,000 short of having that $30,000

- We did it knowing that it seems impossible TO US to come up with that 

   amount of money in that amount of time.

- We did it KNOWING that GOD WILL PROVIDE! 

God has miraculously provided for us financially and emotionally throughout this adoption process, and He's not going to leave us now. He's just setting the stage for the grand finale :-) HE IS FAITHFUL! We know He is working things out, and the excitement not only for our baby, but for what God is about to do is bubbling up inside of us. Don't get me wrong... I have been a total basket case at times - like for real! I have struggled with fear and doubt and wanting so badly to control the situation, but ultimately, I keep coming back to the day I gave God the pen and asked Him to write this adoption story. 

A tiny financial update... We are anxiously awaiting to hear back from 3 more grants that we applied for. Through some divine intervention, we were connected with a real live person we could meet with about one of our grants. Because of that, we were able to have the processing of one of those applications expedited! After speaking with the organization today, we should have an answer THIS WEEK from them about funding! We are cautiously optimistic and will keep you updated as we hear back! We should hear back from the other two grants no later than the first week of May (talk about cutting it close). We are also trying to sell anything we own that we can live without, having at least 1-2 BBQ fundraisers, and are open to suggestions haha! I know God is going to work it out, but I'm willing to work for it!

Well, that's the update for now. I still can't believe I'm going to be a MOMMY in less than 8 weeks!!!

Claiming TRUTH on this Roller Coaster!

To start this post out, let me say this... Our objective with this blog is to be as transparent and open about our adoption journey as possible. That being said, this post is a little (OK - a lot) hard to write because it makes us vulnerable; it exposes our struggles and failures. Our prayer is that God would be glorified through us, our story, and the family he is growing.

This month has been a roller coaster ride - We've heard about situations for over 20 birth moms and been presented to about half of them!!! What an overwhelming privilege it has been to pray for these families and babies. I cannot imagine the selfless decision these mothers are making for their children, and am so humbled by their sacrifice. So far we have not been chosen, but we are still early in the matching process.

The real roller coaster however has been about finances. Our benefit concert on February 20th was incredible! We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love we were shown. After the concert, we followed up with our consultant at FAC to let her know where we were financially. Again, for the sake of transparency, we have $13,500 in the bank - praise the Lord!!! She let us know that we would need to have access to the full amount money needed for the actual adoption fees ($40,000) within 48 hours of being matched with a birth mom (which could happen at any time). We weren't really surprised to hear this, and in the back of our minds, our plan had been to call the bank after the benefit and get a loan for the rest of what we needed. So that's what we did, we called the bank. However, we were surprised to learn that the bank would not lend us the what we were short, and we were devastated! FAC and the home study agency had checked our financial status and the bank told us we'd be fine after their initial check too. We decided to get a second opinion, and it was the same story, they said no. Ok, on to plan B - my sweet mama tried to get a home equity line of credit, and her bank was very optimistic, so we were too :-) However, she was also unable to get a loan, and again, everyone was shocked! On to plan C - Jarred's wonderful mom attempted to get a loan, but it was the same story, she was also unable to get the money. Currently, she is attempting with another lender. Honestly, If plan C fails, there really isn't a plan D. Which again to be honest, sends me into hysterics pretty quickly. If we don't come up with the money, we will most likely put things on hold until we can come up with the money - not what we were hoping for but ultimately, you do what you have to do. Our prayer is that we can come up with it before our 1 year contract and home study expire. In the meantime, we've continued presenting to birth moms and will continue to do so until we have no other options to come up with the money, but this is emotionally hard (that's definitely an understatement). Not knowing if you'll have the money if that mom picks you is scary.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, me and God have been having some conversations about this money situation, and it's been a back and forth type of exchange. One minute I think I'm OK, the next I'm not. Even this week I've been struggling with it! One day I will have a little bit of peace and think - God's got this and is going to work it all out - it's going to be fine! The next minute I think - Beth, what were you guys thinking!!! Ya'll signed up for this with NO MONEY! You are NUTS! 
So, this is what I think today...and I'm claiming it for tomorrow too!
I think the reason I'm ok one minute and not the next is because I am in this flesh! I WANT to give it God and trust Him, but my flesh wants to fight Him for control - It's a constant battle. Today, I am choosing to TRUST God. I GIVE UP - I SURRENDER! I am claiming TRUTH, and the TRUTH is - HE called us to adopt. HE gave us PEACE and direction about using FAC, and he will PROVIDE for us emotionally and financially! I know I will be tempted to believe the lies, to be afraid, and I'm sure I will still struggle, but I will fill my mind with TRUTH to combat the lies! The TRUTH is - GOD'S GOT THIS! GOD IS BIGGER!
I am so thankful for my church family and friends who have reminded me of that this week! 

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:6-7

I put this verse up on my computer at work on Thursday morning, and Thursday afternoon, I got a card from a stranger with a check for $500 and this verse was written on the card. 

GOD IS BIGGER and we can TRUST HIM!  

Also, this video was shared with me this week. It's amazing how God speaks to us through song, and He spoke so clearly to me through these lyrics: 

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I know this post was long, so thanks for reading it! 

P.S. If you would like to donate, please visit our donation site here (had to throw it out there - you can't blame me for trying): 
https://www.youcaring.com/jarred-beth-summey-476255

We're Waiting For You...

We are officially ACTIVE and are so incredibly excited!!! I cannot begin to put into words the emotional roller coaster we've been on the past few weeks - the best word I can think of is "overwhelmed" (in a good way). We got the call saying we are officially active on Friday, February 5th - Almost exactly 2 months after signing the contract with FAC - talk about a whirlwind! I am still in shock that everything has been moving along so quickly! The next step is to be matched with a birth mom. There is definitely some nervousness associated with this - wondering exactly how this process works, how long will it take, what state is our birth mom from, etc. However, the excitement far outweighs the nerves! They've told us that this part of the journey should only take 2-4 months :-)

The matching process so far has been quite exciting - In only one week, we've already been given the opportunity to have our profile book presented to three different birth moms! This has been more emotional that I was anticipating. My heart hurts for these women (and birth fathers) who are selflessly choosing adoption for their baby. When I read about their situations and struggles, I am humbled. We've spent each night this week (since we've been active) praying for each of these families and asking God to give them peace - to allow the adoptive family they choose to reflect Christ's love to them and share the message of the gospel with them. We've also praying for emotional and financial protection during this matching process. We are trusting that God has already chosen our baby and is leading our paths towards each other - how amazing is that! It's definitely stretching our faith, and sometimes that's been uncomfortable, but it has also been so good.

 It took us all of about 12 hours to realize that waiting is one of the hardest parts of this journey. It's excruciating to wonder what's happening - wonder if you're going to be chosen - wonder what the birth family is thinking when they look at your book - wonder when you'll hear something. All I know to do is keep on doing what I know to do - lol. God is good, and He's got this. I believe that with all my heart. You can rest assured though, you'll hear me shouting all over Cartersville when we find out we're "matched"!!! 

Please pray with and for us as we continue the matching process. Pray for these birth moms and dads we are being presented to, and pray for Jarred and me. Pray that we would have discernment and peace about the situations we present to. Pray that we would be prepared to boldly share Jesus and his big love with these families when we are matched. 

The other part of this process is fundraising... Our big benefit concert is scheduled for February 20th - 1 week away! Our prayer is that God would use this concert to provide financially for us so that we won't have to take out a loan. We need to raise about $38,000. To me that number seems impossible, but I know God can move the mountain, and I'm trusting Him to do just that! Please pray us about this and spread the word about the benefit :-)
  
While we're waiting, this thought keeps resonating in our minds... 
Sweet little one, I know you're out there - getting closer and closer to us. We love you already and are waiting for you!